One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
