Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The adults are the big ones right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
