also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
