we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
