grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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