Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my poor anus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
