dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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