glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
