Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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