I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
