There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
