I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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