Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
