Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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