She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
