You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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