Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
