she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
