Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
