That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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