White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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