I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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