If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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