a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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