Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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