Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we made out on top of his cat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
