so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
