It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
