Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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