last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All the doctor said was why
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
