fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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