mondays should just be called national damage control day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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