imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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