Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
