We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
