Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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