just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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