Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
