Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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