Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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