There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
