There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
