Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
