Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
