so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
