and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
