He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
