No stitches, just platelets and will power
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
