Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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