I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
