I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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