He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
