Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
