The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
