you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
