i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
