Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
