The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
