the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
