I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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