eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
