apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
