I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
