The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
