This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
