OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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