That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
